Tourists in Purgatory

One of the more common sights in Europe is the mini parade of tourists. We've seen literally dozens of them in every city we have been in so far. You can see them from a distance too. Here's how to spot them in their natural habitat.
First of all, look around cathedrals, statues, rounded cobblestone streets - that sort of thing. Next, look for a slowly winding line of grey hair. If you allow your eye to follow the moving line to the front and you usually see some poor joker with a badminton racket with bright streamers held over his head, or a gaudy green umbrella aiming at the sun. We've even seen broom sticks with a cardboard sign stapled to it. You get the idea. Anyway, the holder of this impromptu mace is the tour leader.






Commonly, the leader has a Madonna type of mic going from his ear to just in front of his (or her) mustache. The followers of this parade will have an iPod looking thing hanging from a lanyard around their neck and earphones plugged in so they can hear what the leader is saying and so they can be totally unaware of traffic, bicycles and pedestrians. The leader is talking away as they walk along at a methodical pace and points to buildings, gargoyles, sculptures and/or fountains. Occasionally the leader waves his/her the mace in a circle to signify that all the followers form a semi-circle around so he/she can present their well rehearsed soliloquy. If you look closely, you will find some old duffer at the back of the group screwing around with his iPod-y type of thing trying to get the frigger to work. Can't miss him.
Try this:
1. plug your ears with earbuds (don't plug them in to anything just yet)
2. then, tilt your head about 5 degrees
3. squint your eyes
4. furrow your brow
5. drop your iPod-y thing and accidentally kick it into the canal
6. Look around to see if anyone else has the same problem.

The rest is easy. Keep looking at the plug end of your earbud and retain the same confused look, like you are trying to figure out if you just found a new rope of just lost an old donkey.

- Derek