Jet Propelled Razor

My father taught me how to shave. From a very young age, I would follow him into the bathroom where Dad would expertly build a good thick foamy lather in his soap mug and get his two-sided razor prepared. I would study the morning process with fascination. Dad even bought a small plastic toy razor and he would put the soap on my face with the badger hair brush so I could mimic his every step.



I remember that Dad had to make a razor blade last a long time as they were an expense that a soldier on a private's salary thought about. Sometimes the razor would get dull and would "knick" his cheek or neck and sting like crazy. I learned some of my first curses that way. Things like "oy - ka shalla jee rum" (phonetic gaelic) or "holy jumping jeezus that hurts". I learned that words shared between a father and a son over the shaving sink should NEVER be repeated. Conversations between father and son over the shaving sink, no matter how brief, are sacred. That took a couple of painful exchanges between my Mother and me, and I didn't understand why she got so upset. Another sink discussion with Dad and I learned it fairly quickly.

Anyway, when traveling by air, you need to make sure you have nothing with you any sharper than a banana so I left my prized razor in Calgary and figured that I would look for one when we got on the ground over here. I should mention that I still use a double sided razor like my Dad used so long ago. Blades are easy to find and the cost is pretty cheap. There are other reasons I will explain later.

So Lill and I stopped in to a store when we landed in Brussels and I was shocked to see the cost of these jet-propelled razors on the market today! When exactly did it become necessary to have five blade razors with a battery powered mini-blade on the back to trim sideburns? Feeling guilty that I was still living in the shaving equivalent of the stone age, I bought a Fusion razor.



Shimmering, glittering, battery assisted jet propelled 5 bladed - no, make that 6 bladed - razor. Even came with a free AAA battery. Notice the glowing blue light in the middle of the handle! When it is glowing, it is vibrating (VIBRATING ferchristsakes....Just what you want when you hold the thing near your ear and think about Vincent van Gogh - a vibrating razor blade.....)

Now, with THAT many blades on one device, you need to have a face as big as an Easter Island statue to do it any justice at all. However, on a squished up old face like mine, two strokes on either side of my prominent nose and the work is nearly done. Well, almost..... How the devil to you get the areas by your nostrils or the joint between your upper and lower lips with a behemoth razor like this, I ask you? Well that is where the 6th jet propelled, triple A supported back blade comes into play. It vibrates (vibrates for christ sake!!) so you can get into the challenging spots. However, it requires a steady hand AND good aim or you carve off small pieces of your nostril, lips, ear lobes or all of the above in one 10 minute period. Believe me!

So, I found that the Fusion razor has a range of about 30 meters with the wind behind you. Just about into the middle of the Inns River. Pretty good for an old guy. To replace it, I found a place that specializes in old-school razors...kinda like gourmet-razors-are-us. They had more soaps, razors, brushes, holders and paraphernalia than I have ever seen. Feeling nostalgic, I longed for a good, stout 2 sided razor. I realize now, that I shouldn't have had 2 big Austrian beers before going into the shop, but hindsight is a wonderful thing.



Anyway, I came out with this German made Merkur beauty. Heft? Oh yeah - sucker weights in at about 10 kg. Sharp? It's German - come on, of course it is jugular sharp. Precise? Once you lift it using both hands or a small hydraulic jack, it is a thing of beauty. And the soap? No two-bit goo will do for this machine. I mean, would use Canadian Tire brand lube in your Formula-1? So now I smell like...well, actually I have no idea what I smell like but I am willing to bet it smells good enough for Graham Muir to make some comment like "does that come in men's fragrances too?"




Really liking the Merkur, I went and bought a second, smaller and more traditional one. They are both just great!

Oh yeah, a word or two about why I think shaving is such an important thing for yours truly. Nothing to do with appearance or such things. It is a morning ritual that reminds me of my Dad every day. He was a great guy and I miss him. I get a chance to look into that mirror each day and ask myself - at least I think it is myself who answers back - "am I being a good dad? am I being a good husband? a good person? am I working hard enough and with the right priorities aligned?" The voice that answers back is the voice I trust the most. By the time the soap is gone and the little "knicks" and stings of truth are felt, I feel better about the day ahead. When my daughters were young, I used to try to continue the tradition by putting the foamy soap on their delicate little cheeks and would use the back of the comb to "shave" it off. We would chat about all kinds of things. These were times forever embedded in my memory.




- Derek